The Great Jury Duty Scam of 2015

There are moments in my life where I'm almost 100% sure that I'm being Punk'd and that Ashton Kutcher is gonna jump out any moment. I had one of those moments today and though it's not even remotely related to anything I usually write about, I'm gonna share it with you. 

I was almost the victim of a scam. I'll get to the almost part in a minute. Frankly, I'm not sure which part of this situation I'm more weirded out about; the almost scam or the post-almost-scam.

I got a call from a gentleman who said he was an officer calling from the county sheriff's office. The "officer" said that his system showed that I'd failed to appear for jury duty but that it was probably because they had the wrong address for me (he'd read off a previous address at the beginning of the call). He said that all I'd need to do was update my address and they'd send a new jury summons out to me.  As a mostly law abiding citizen, I had no reason to think this was odd.

Let me pause right here. Until today, I never thought I'd be foolish enough to fall for some scammers foolwangery. I mean, I'm a smart cookie and the only people who fall for scams are cotton-headed ninny muggins' right? Wrong. 

Anywho, I ended the phone call with "Sgt. Jacob" feeling relieved that I had narrowly avoided wasting the one jail card that I've allowed myself on a clerical error. Frankly, if I'm gonna get locked up, it's gonna be for something violent. And pre-meditated. But, I digress. 

Brace yourself boo-cakes, here's where it gets weird. 

I get a text message from the "sheriff's office" instructing me to call back. *odd* 

I get on the phone with "Sgt. Jacob" and this is what he says:

"I just wanted to let you know that you don't need to expect any jury summons in the mail. This was a scam. I'm incarcerated and this is how I provide for my family. I couldn't go through with it after I talked to you though… I was mesmerized by the sultriness of your voice."

As he's speaking, I'm sitting at my desk like: 

Sir. SIR!!! I cannot even tell you the confusion that I experienced in this moment. Did this man actually intend to scam me until my super sexy sultry voice made his Grinch-like heart grow? 

I stayed on the phone with this dude for way longer than one should with someone who admittedly tried to rob them. I asked how this scam made him money (since he hadn't asked me for any) and told him that while I didn't approve of what he was doing (not that he asked) that I appreciated him telling me the truth. I was nice. Mostly because he's a criminal and has my address. 

Then… THEN, he asked if I was married. Yes. Happily married? YES. Well, do you have any sisters? You sound like you look good. Can I ask how old you are?

This friends is where I bid him adieu. I can tolerate a lot of things, but asking my real age is not one of them. Rude.

Moral of the story: safeguard your information and if something doesn't feel/sound right to you, check, double-check and triple-check to make sure it's legit.